.
Things you don't wanna hear.
Thu, 02/22/2007 - 10:54am
So, I'm going in for surgery soon. Nothing major, mind you. It's just that my guts have been trying to escape through my belly button and I'd like to put an end to that.
Anyway, now that I've given you a mental picture of my distended umbilicus..... All seemed to be going well at the surgical consult: cut me open... put a tire patch on my tummy-tum, and sew me back up... Then the doc paused and said the following wow... this'll take a little longer than I thought. For some reason, this struck me as amazingly funny. I said... doc, I'm standing right here! Saying things like that while looking inside my gut is NOT cool!
Then I started thinking of the things you LEAST want to hear when a surgeon is looking at a picture of your insides... Here's a few:
1. Hey! That's a new one!
2. Holy mother of....
3. (picks up his cell phone) Man, get in here, you're not going to believe this!
4. You have lots of insurance, right?
5. Well, I'll be able to afford that trip to Hawaii this year.
6. I've never seen one of those on a MAN before...
7. (pointing something out to an intern) Here's where it gets REALLY freaky!
Thu, 02/22/2007 - 11:36am
#2
*whoopsadaisy*
*phew, that was a close one, lets hope that doesn't happen again*
*and this day just gets worse...*
Thu, 02/22/2007 - 11:49am
#3
14. oooops i dropped somthing
15. are you sure this is yours?
Thu, 02/22/2007 - 12:23pm
#4
Looking at the nurse: What's that there?
Thu, 02/22/2007 - 12:47pm
#5
Fat - I had surgery for an umbilical hernia about 7 months ago. If that's what you're doin', mine was no biggie. Just chillin' afterward and a good influx of vicodin. :D Good luck on yours!
Thu, 02/22/2007 - 3:57pm
#6
After closing up: 'Was I wearing a watch when you came in?'
'Er, you were her for a hysterectomy right?'
'The only thing you've got to avoid is low frequency vibration, boy those could screw you up'
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Thu, 02/22/2007 - 4:39pm
#7
How about, you're circumcision was succesful, however we had to take off a little more than we expected.
Thu, 02/22/2007 - 4:41pm
#8
myxology;100935 wrote:
Fat - I had surgery for an umbilical hernia about 7 months ago. If that's what you're doin', mine was no biggie. Just chillin' afterward and a good influx of vicodin. :D Good luck on yours!
How long were you out of work afterward?
Thu, 02/22/2007 - 5:09pm
#9
True story...
The Last time I busted my knee and it effused to the size of a grapefruit I had to get rushed to the ER.
So I'm laying there, and the doc tells me that I can get some of the fluid in my knee removed. So i say Sure. because it's hurting like the proverbial dog, and is swollen so bad I literally can't move my entire right leg.
So the doctor pulls out syringes (10ml each) and proceeds to stick me with the first.
Then blood starts to squirt out. I mean, it wasn't flying across the room, but pretty soon my bed in the ER looked more like a car crash victims than for someone who just twisted their knee running to their math final.
So, as this is happening the doctor says Wow! That's a lot of blood. That really shouldn't be there...
I'm only slightly dismayed at the doctor, because it was as unexpected to me as it was to him (But he's a doctor!).
Anyway, towards the end of the procedure the doctor jabs the back of my kneecap as he is filling up the last syringe. I mean, even through all the pain medicine and numb-ifiers applied to my knee, it still was the most painful thing i ever felt. I'm pretty sure they could hear my yelp through out the whole Hospital.
As I'm glaring at him, what does the doc say?
Whoops.
Didn't even apologize...
Oh, P.S. The doctor pulled out about 40-50 ml of blood from my knee, and that's not including the stuff that leaked out all over the stretcher...
Thu, 02/22/2007 - 5:58pm
#10
How about this one?
When I was in the hospital a little over a year ago, they said We don't know what was wrong. The only thing off was your blood sugar, but it shouldn't be enough to be a problem.
I got short of breath, my heartbeat was fast and erratic, I blacked out... AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHY :confused: :eek:
Thu, 02/22/2007 - 11:46pm
#11
Uncle Fat;100965 wrote:
How long were you out of work afterward?
I work from home and have a really lightweight job as it is. I'm an appraiser. So, it's really going to depend on your work. I think I layed around the house for a few days. No heavy weight lifting for a few weeks. I don't remember having much pain afterwards. My knee surgery was way worse. Just remember to take your pain meds on schedule, they are designed to be built up. Don't just stop taking them because you feel better. It's really hard to play catch up on them once you start feeling the pain.
But then... I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV. :D
Fri, 02/23/2007 - 9:26am
#12
.jpg "Pork's picture")
Well, last year, I had to get my cauliflower ear attended to.
I go there sit down. He look at it. Ok, we are going to need to evacuate that Hematoma. I was like ahh ok. So he proceeds to stick needles in my ear to attempt to drain everything out of it.(not good for me cause I hate needles) Then I come like 98% unconcious. Then the Doc says Ok chief, were going to wrap it up and you shoudl be ok in a few days, but come back and see me in a week. So when I return after 5 days of looking like I had brain sugury. First thing he says to me ok.. this isnt working.. but I will try it again. The last time he evacuated my hemotoma he used 3 needles. This time he poked me about 10 times, no joke. I was like what the fuck So then after my ear became all inflamed again in the next visit. He told me he was goign to give me sugury.
Sorry for this being so long...but... while I was in surgury, the anesthesist was a very inpatient man wanting to go to lunch.. I heard him say to the nurse as I was in the prep room. I vant to put ehim now, so I can go eat!
Not very cool. In the end, I got like 3 extra cc's of morphene, which I dunno if it was good or bad, and my ear fixed. I remember waking it up and being all.. WDF is up (being slammed on my morphene) and hearing a nurse say.. Oh shoot, I gave more morphene then I was suppose to.
Things you wouldnt want your doc to say:
OK.........(leaves the room)
Fri, 02/23/2007 - 11:53am
#13
wait, so extra morphine is a bad thing?
Sat, 02/24/2007 - 1:54pm
#14
I was off work 6 weeks with my hernia operation back in 92,cut and stappled back up from my waist to my gonads,thank god for opiates
Thu, 03/08/2007 - 2:47pm
#15
ohthedaysofyore;100967 wrote:
True story...
The Last time I busted my knee and it effused to the size of a grapefruit I had to get rushed to the ER.
So I'm laying there, and the doc tells me that I can get some of the fluid in my knee removed. So i say Sure. because it's hurting like the proverbial dog, and is swollen so bad I literally can't move my entire right leg.
So the doctor pulls out syringes (10ml each) and proceeds to stick me with the first.
Then blood starts to squirt out. I mean, it wasn't flying across the room, but pretty soon my bed in the ER looked more like a car crash victims than for someone who just twisted their knee running to their math final.
So, as this is happening the doctor says Wow! That's a lot of blood. That really shouldn't be there...
I'm only slightly dismayed at the doctor, because it was as unexpected to me as it was to him (But he's a doctor!).
Anyway, towards the end of the procedure the doctor jabs the back of my kneecap as he is filling up the last syringe. I mean, even through all the pain medicine and numb-ifiers applied to my knee, it still was the most painful thing i ever felt. I'm pretty sure they could hear my yelp through out the whole Hospital.
As I'm glaring at him, what does the doc say?
Whoops.
Didn't even apologize...
Oh, P.S. The doctor pulled out about 40-50 ml of blood from my knee, and that's not including the stuff that leaked out all over the stretcher...
This happened to my lil sister, she dislocated he kneecap playing basketball, and my dad performed the procedure at home.
Oh man it was awesome. Blood EVERYWHERE!
And she didnt even mutter, you wuss:D
8. *moan* Shouldn't have had the seafood for lunch (ducks head and pukes)
9. *moan* Shouldn't have had mexican for lunch (drops an f-bomb)
10. Umm ok, now what?
All you have to do to be original is to actually have the balls to be yourself. Let it come out and it will come out differently. It is not hard to be original; it is fear that keeps us from being original. ~Oteil Burbridge
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