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Bizzaro Audition
Mon, 04/07/2008 - 4:13pm
Being a little bored with my current playing situation and wanting to expand my playing a bit, I responded to a Craigslist ad for a band seeking a bass player a couple of weeks ago. I found the ad interesting and the songs sounded like they could be fun to add some interesting lines with some decent beats going on. I was having second thoughts with the guitar parts sounding a bit ho-hum.
Anyway, at the appointed time I show up at the twanger's place with gear in hand and meet the stinky. To set the scene, we go into the basement of this older house and the twanger is using an ancient Peavey bass amp and old 2X15 cab for his guitar. His guitar is some really old off-brand 12-string model with only 6 strings on it and he related that he tunes down a half-step with a dropped D. He has his mic going to an old Peavey keyboard amp for singing. At least the stinky had a fairly good kit and was a nice enough guy.
I started tuning my bass to his guitar and he starts lecturing about tuning, telling me that I'm either too sharp or too flat before I've even had a chance to match pitches. I'm thinking this guy's an a$$ right at the start.
I told them to start in on one of their songs and that I could pick it up. He starts playing this simple three chord progression and I start to follow with playing root notes along with the kick drum. After several bars, he stops and tell me that my rhythm is way off!? He then proceeds to lecture me about the role of a bass player driving the sound. By way of example, he then related that Stu Hamm played very simple lines for Joe Satriani. I responded, you're no Joe Satriani and from what you're saying I have no clear idea what you really want me to play. We started in again on another of their tunes and I stayed mostly with root notes with some fifths and octaves thrown in to keep it simple and try to give him something that he could play over.
That didn't work. He became lecturous again about rhythm and timing. The thing is, I was hitting notes along with the drummer and not his guitar which is how I play.
He then wanted to hear an example of my own music. So I played a few things that I've worked on with melodic basslines, but without the guitar parts it probably didn't sound like much. He listened with a nasty sort of scowl through it. I was greatly relieved when he and the stinky said that I probably wouldn't fit with their band. I'm only upset that I didn't get to say it first. I couldn't pack up and leave that place fast enough. I just can't imagine that they'll ever find a bass player with negative attitudes like that.
I'll be going to play with this classic rock band this coming weekend that sounds like a much more enjoyable bunch of guys.
Mon, 04/07/2008 - 5:21pm
#2
Sounds like you handled yourself well. You stood your ground without being too much of a dick (though the dude deserved less). Shit happens, move on to the next one.
Look at it this way, atleast you didn't audition 3 times...:D
Mon, 04/07/2008 - 6:09pm
#3
I probably would have ( ie I would have ;) ) told him that as soon as he got his S**T together then nhe could give me advice until then he would need to keep his f'ing mouth shut :D
Mon, 04/07/2008 - 8:40pm
#4
Wow, thats messed up. atleast you handled it decently and didnt end up in a body bag. From the sound of it that twanger sounds like hes got something wrong in the head.
Mon, 04/07/2008 - 8:47pm
#5
Dude you were so nice! SO NICE! I think I would have had a 12 string/6string splintered up someone's butt for that!...ARGHHHHHHHHH....EGO HEADS! You were the better man all the way around before you even answered that ad!..Those guys will be on Craiglist for a very long time looking for someone!..You ROCK! Way to go with the Satriani Comment! ;)
__________________
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Mon, 04/07/2008 - 8:56pm
#6
Needed one of these -
Mon, 04/07/2008 - 9:52pm
#7
tonebender;137601 wrote:
Needed one of these -
The ego knob needs adjustment TB:D
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 6:06am
#8
wow. What a couple of douchebags.
rock.
DDD
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 6:06am
#9
tonebender;137601 wrote:
Needed one of these -
Must have air....can't stop laughing
Dude, I would have excused myself and left after the first “critique”.
I give you lots of credit, for just staying after and keep your cool
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 6:18am
#10
yeah those situations suck...the kind that right when you get there, you wish you hadnt gone.
good times.
.
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 6:50am
#11
Man. You handled that well.
People like that just kill me. Laugh and move on is all you can do.
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 7:38am
#12
.jpg "mcbanard's picture")
Dude you're not supposed to follow the drums, where do you learn about rhythm sections? You're supposed to hit notes in a random fashion so that everyone says man that bass player sucks, lucky thing that they have that awesome guitar player. He should shave his head and be lack Sach because he is that awesome. Crank ego to eleven
Curious as to what the twangers idea of rhythm actually was.
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 8:02am
#13
Sounds to me like he's a frustrated ugly. I mean the dude was playing through a bass amp after all. He probably couldn't hack it as a bass player because he had such horrible rhythm so he figured he'd pick up the twang stick and take his frustrations out on other unsuspecting uglies.
I want the bass driving the song = Don't play anything but the root notes because you'll get in the way of my amazing abilities.
People like that should have their instruments shoved up their ass sideways.
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 8:42am
#14
classic... been there a couple of times. Next time you're in that situation you'll see the writing on the wall when you walk in and know how to handle it. Ask them to play a couple of tunes before you even get your stuff out of you car. That way when they suck you can just tell them it's not your bag...
good story.....:D
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 10:46am
#15
Yeah, with the low tuning and the bass amp I think he was trying to compensate for a lack of ability at bass. He actually had a junky old Squire bass in the room that he used on their recordings. It's hard to pick out the bass in their tunes on their myspace page. I suspect there's a reason for that;).
I think I stuck around for awhile mostly to mess with them. I actually told the twanger that he could borrow my guitar amp if wanted to use it, but I think that stuck his pride a bit. He just had to rock that ancient bass rig.
Looking back, I could/should have cranked up the ol' Carvin and just blasted out riffs every time he tried to talk or play. Maybe knock every dish in the house off the shelves.
Better yet, when he wanted to hear my original material, I could have played a slow heavy beat and chanted some satanic/demonic stuff into the mic. Or started into a happy little polka tune!
Tonebender, that pic made my day. I spit coffee through my nose when I saw that!
You'd have to turn to tone all the way down and the ego way up. I should have taken a phone camera picture of his guitar, it was a real piece of work.
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 11:58am
#16
BassPanther;137645 wrote:
..............
People like that should have their instruments shoved up their ass sideways.AMEN n nuff said
BP u r a god with words bows till my nose touches the floor
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 12:07pm
#17
Fyrewolf;137675 wrote:
AMEN n nuff said
BP u r a god with words bows till my nose touches the floor
Nah, DDD and OFC are the gods with words around these parts. I just happen to be decent with violent imagery. I attribute it to my metal background.
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 12:09pm
#18
Please post their MySpace page. I would love to hear his fantastic musical twanging on his 12 string - six string tuned down a 1/2 step from Drop D thru a bass amp expertise. Yep, douchebags.
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 12:31pm
#19
Well, I thought I would just keep them anonymous, but what the heck...
www.myspace.com/seattlelephant
Enjoy.
Tue, 04/08/2008 - 7:04pm
#20
Can anybody say sucky Doors wannabes
I even bet they could suck the dimples off a golf ball dayum
Wed, 04/09/2008 - 5:39am
#21
tonebender;137601 wrote:
Needed one of these -
So, TB, when are those going to be for sale?? Can I preorder one?
Thu, 04/10/2008 - 3:19am
#22
slade;137649 wrote:
classic... Ask them to play a couple of tunes before you even get your stuff out of you car. That way when they suck you can just tell them it's not your bag...
good story.....:D
Excellent advice.
It also works when they're totally hot and you know you could never cut that mustard!!
:D
Thu, 04/10/2008 - 9:52am
#23
That first song was like an audio qualude
the 2nd and 4th songs just made me angry :mad:
Thu, 04/10/2008 - 12:50pm
#24
NWbasser, I had an audition like that a couple of months before I started my own band. The drummer was a cool guy, but the twanger was a douche.
Thu, 04/10/2008 - 1:18pm
#25
I have to admit, I kind of liked the first song, but after that I was just praying for it to be over...
Edit to add: Where can I get one of those stomp boxes? It's so hard to dial in just the right amount of suck with my current rig to get those truly special performances! LOL
you're no Joe Satriani...
Hahaha!!! That was a great response. Sorta like *pimp slap* take that!